we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
