Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
