I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
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