An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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