Plan B is the new Plan A
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
