I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
