Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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