My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
