Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize