THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
