Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
