After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
