So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
