i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
