I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
