Sponge bath it is.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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