Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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