Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
