brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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