my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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