Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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