first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
