Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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