Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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