I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
