shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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