fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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