we have officially lost it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
