I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I look better un-naked...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
