If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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