Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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