Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize