You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
