I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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