Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
