Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
