Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
