Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
