I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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