Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
