I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
