jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my phone needs a breathalizer
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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