Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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