I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
