I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
