you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
