Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
