Dual....:-)
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
