if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
