Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
