Nicole vs. Life
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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