Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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