Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
