I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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