i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
