one two three fourrrrnication!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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