Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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