saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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