He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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