omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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