I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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