Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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