no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
