My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
