final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
