when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
